


shut up & trust this

by garorobes



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Aqua (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, M/M, Romance, Trans Character, Trans Xigbar, Unbeta'd, YES there is cussings sorry kids, aeleus (kingdom hearts) - Freeform, dilan (kingdom hearts) - Freeform, even (kingdom hearts) - Freeform, ienzo (kingdom hearts) - Freeform, rated PG for Pretty Gay, slow burn (sorry), thought heavy, ventus (kingdom hearts) - Freeform, well actually hes nonbinary and also braig but like tomayto tomahto, xehanort (kingdom hearts) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 11:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20025394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garorobes/pseuds/garorobes
Summary: braig has some thoughts about willingly giving himself over to luxu (and luxu going haywire with all the 'nort stuff)* tags will be added/removed/rearranged as i go forward, characters in the additional tags will be moved to actual character section when they make appearances* rating will change bc its fucking gay, but rn its about the yearning





	shut up & trust this

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if that description just spoiled kh3 for you, bro, but its been like 6 months
> 
> as a warning the first chapter is just like 1k words of catching everything up to speed, if you're looking for gay content dont expect much yet.  
i use too many parenthetical insertions but i cant help it orz
> 
> also the title is a reference to a ken ashcorp song, in 2019

This whole mess, Braig realized, started because he didn’t know how to say “no”.

Well, okay, in his defense- his defense to _himself_\- he couldn’t really say “no” to the opportunity of a lifetime. Being, like, _twelve_ and saying no when offered immeasurable power is a fool’s move. Yeah, yeah, he may have lost his body and his heart and all; and SURE being offered a place in history and a wicked keyblade from a strange, hooded man was bound to end with his little baby face on the side of a milk carton… but what, was he supposed to say no to an offer like that?

“_What’s the catch?_” he remembers asking, looking the creepy guy with the indiscernible face up and down like it would help him.

He could hear the grin in the man’s voice as he spoke. “_All you need to do is let me put my heart_,” and he gestured to his own chest, “_into your body_,” and he pressed his finger into Braig’s chest. Braig probably should’ve been a) disgusted or b) creeped out or perhaps even c) terrified, but being a stupid pre-teen, he was _stoked_.

He really regretted taking that offer.

He knew eventually the freaky guy- Luxu, was it? -would take control of his body, but he didn’t expect to get possessed by a SECOND freaky guy on top of it! First, he was “influenced” to join the Radiant Garden Guard (definitely out of character for him), then he was practically forced to fight a guy two times his size and lost his fucking eye, then he lost complete control of his own body for _TWELVE_ years! Not a _single_ moment of full clarity in that time, either. He did vaguely recall some going-ons from that time, like there was a movie on while he was half asleep and only remembered every other word or whatever. One thing he vividly remembered, probably his semi-conscious mind telling him he was a weak bitch, was Terra(?) briefly fighting back from his own wacky possession. Either Luxu was really skilled in taking control of people’s bodies (not that that’s a good thing) or Braig was really, really weak-willed.

Right… Terra… the last thing he recalled doing on his own was fighting the big guy. Okay, maybe the guy wasn’t TOO big in comparison to the average Joe, but Braig was eighteen and five and a half feet tall and like… eighty pounds wet. Terra had a good two years on him as well as four whole inches and being fucking _packed_ with muscles from training with a keyblade for probably half his life. There was a reason Braig had to rely on arrow-guns and the manipulation of gravity when fighting.

Lucky for him, that Sora kid knocked the ‘Nort out of his body. Unlucky for him, Luxu was still very much part of him for another few months. It wasn’t until Luxu decided to move himself into a replica that he was given complete and total control over his body again.

Completely unsure of what the fuck had happened to Luxu, he woke up in the main square of Radiant Garden. He remembered all of his friends (fuck, that word feels so _cheesy_ now) crowding him, telling him they were all convinced he was dead for good and how happy they were to see him again. He would’ve felt on top of the world had he not felt so strangely hollow inside.

It took Braig some time to get back into the groove of things, being a human again and not being so full-bodied, for lack of a better term. He joked with himself that he feels like he was doing a disservice to people who’d been in real comas since his muscles did not atrophy during his twelve-year slumber. To help him adjust, his friends had somehow re-roped him a position in the guard. He didn't really _want_ to accept the position, but he knew if he didn't he wouldn't have anywhere else to go, nor would he do anything productive with his time. He accepted, even if he didn't feel like he should've. The job paid well, gave him a room and food in the barracks, and was a simple patrolling job, which he could do well given his magical ability to manipulate space.

One thing he really didn’t understand was why some people looked so similar to they did as Nobodies, while others looked the same as how he remembered them. According to Even, who looked quite a few years older than he recalled, the possession they experienced created a sort of separate self, different from the ones they are now. Being turned into a nobody did not change the aging process… but being possessed did. This means that Braig, who was ‘Norted at age nineteen, is once again nineteen, but Ienzo, who wasn’t _ever_ ‘Norted, is now twenty-two; similarly, Dilan and Lexaeus were ‘Norted a few years later, meaning they’re a few years older than Braig remembers…

It didn't explain why he was _still_ sporting long, grey-and-dark brown dreads instead of the short, dark twists he had twelve years prior. Maybe it was Luxu's doing? Admittedly, that theory doesn't make much sense, and he can't get confirmation from anyone.

Either way, this is all really, really fucking weird now.

There are a few people he can relate to, at least—apparently being comatose didn’t age Ventus at all (now why didn't HIS muscles atrophy?), being trapped in the darkness didn’t age Aqua at all and being ‘Norted didn’t age Terra. He couldn’t actually relate to Aqua or Ventus, and not because of their slightly different circumstances, but because Aqua said she did not trust him and did not want him around Ventus. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t explain to her that he was just trying to get a keyblade of his own and was cheated out of it without spilling Luxu’s secret, which he’d sworn to keep on his life.

The only person who’d been willing to hear him out was Terra. Well, Ventus wanted to hear him out, but Aqua actively refused to let that happen, and Braig wasn’t really interested in working extra hard just to convince the lady he was ‘Nort-less. Maybe if he could get through to Terra, he wouldn’t have to do any work of his own and the big guy would just talk to her on his behalf.

Once he explained himself, Terra had been strangely forgiving throughout their whole heart-to-heart, which Braig found suspicious as hell. He found it fucking weird that Terra was so willing to accept him as a good person, despite his subtle lies (he told Terra that it had been _Xehanort_ toying with him the whole time, instead of _Luxu_, but that he was acting of his own entire free will until the 'Nort-en-ing; the latter of which was mostly the truth). Terra was even incredibly understanding of the fact that he simply wanted a keyblade of his own, though he did scold him and tell him that they're powerful weapons, that they aren't toys and that not everyone could be trusted with such power. He'd have been more offended at the patronizing if the guy wasn't so cute when he tried to backpedal and tell Braig he's _incredibly sure Braig's a great person_ and he remembered him being _really strong, incredibly strong to continue fighting after losing an eye. _Braig let him get away with the insult with a hand-wave and a small reminder that not everyone can handle arrow-guns, which Terra agreed to, and then the conversation was lighter and more friendly and Braig left feeling perfectly light—not at all because of his gravity powers for once, but more like there was a _weight_ lifted from his shoulders.

That is, until he remembered that Terra accepted his apology so easily. It didn't sit right with him for a good long while, but then, laying in his bunk at the castle, restless at 4 a.m., it clicked. Oh. Okay, he _totally_ got it.

When they were ‘Norted nobodies, the two of them were at the top of the fucking food chain. Braig feels like shit for it, and even when he knows it was _mostly_ Luxu’s doing, he can’t help but feel guilty. Probably because he let himself get used by Luxu. When he thinks about it, he feels especially guilty, being responsible for not only manipulating Terra into being Xehanort’s vessel, but additionally all the bullshit those kids went through because of their Organization. There's no way Terra doesn't feel like absolute shit from that, from being too weak to fight back enough to end the whole operation, for being weak enough that he even got possessed in the first place--even if he's not at all to blame. Braig knows Terra well enough to know he's the kind of guy who'd beat himself up over something that's so clearly out of his control...

After all, it wasn't Xemnas- who was Terra-nort's nobody- who really ran the Organization. It was really more Xehanort’s Organization. _Luxu’s_ Organization, really, which circles back to Braig's own guilt. Braig may not know much about why Luxu did what he did, but thinking back, he really gets the feeling Xehanort was just as much of a pawn as he was.

Oh well.

Xehanort’s not anyone’s problem anymore, being dead and all; Luxu got his keyblade back; everyone’s been de-Norted; and Braig has graciously been given Terra’s forgiveness. It may not fix everything they’ve been through, especially with Aqua having to actually _live through_ being trapped in the Dark Realm or whatever, but it’s a step in the right direction. Maybe it's just the confidence of being accepted by a guy Braig has more thoughts about than he should, but he's kind of feeling like he might actually attempt to patch things up with her, too.

He rolls over, facing the wall, pressing his palm against the eyepatch like he does every night. Usually when he does it, it feels foreign, _different_, like it didn't belong on his face. Tonight, perhaps because of that heart-to-heart and the mutual forgiveness, it's an incredibly warm gesture. Calming, even. He wouldn't say that out loud, but it's the truth. He slips the eyepatch off, along with the ponytail tying his dreads together, tucking both of them under his pillow and pulling the blanket above his head. He's still pretty fucking self-conscious about it, but it's nice to get an apology nonetheless.

Braig can rest easy tonight, at least with one small victory. 

(Well, he can _try_, but Aeleus snores in his sleep. For such a quiet guy, he sure is fucking loud.)

**Author's Note:**

> next chapter takes a step forward (with real dialogue!) with terra and braig chilling and talking about how fucked up that shit was, right??? and maybe more.............. haha just kidding..... unless?
> 
> if you couldn't tell, this is very self-indulgent with references to my own personal headcanons (japanese terra, black/nb braig, black/trans dilan, nb lesbian ienzo, bear aeleus, among others). most of the ones involving the other characters wont be very prominent, but expect references to braigs skin tone and hair that are not like the braig we see in games! 
> 
> *first chapters title is in reference to the living tombstone song. the song has no relation to the story its just neat  
questions, comments, concerns always welcome!


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